The Birth of the Lazy Pants Chronicle
Before the Onset
I first realized that I had become incredibly lazy a little over a year ago. Having had a driven, active and passionate personality, this laziness quickly led to depression of the uber-lazy type. Of course there were other things going on in my life that contributed to the depression, but one of the driving factors was that I had become perpetually lazy and didn’t have the desire to do anything about it.
Roughly eight months before the onset, I graduated college with a degree in filmmaking and moved to the Bay Area. I quickly discovered that senseless determination combined with a lack of boundaries and relentless traffic was not the means to my success. I burnt myself out trying ever-so-hard to jump-start a career in the filmmaking world of… Silicon Valley. You may be reading this thinking I was a bit misguided landing in Silicon Valley in search of a career in film, but there were other reasons for my being here which I’ll get to later. Needless to say, my personal economic situation was in much need of a paying job, and I got just that when I stopped prostituting myself out to non-paying student and independent film projects. The steady flow of a paycheck eased my overactive mind and subdued my erratic drive for a career.
This was merely the first crack in my wall of productivity.
The Second Crack
Enjoying the fruits of my employed labor, I realized that I no longer really needed to drive myself so hard. My passion for film was also somewhat satiated given the fact that my desk job revolved around film. Film details, plot points and engaging discussion with co-workers. Not only was everything film discussed, but TV shows and any number of laughable and intriguing DVDs. It was as if I had found some sort of cult group to belong to, and I got paid for it.
Then came my massive TV-watching phase. I belonged to this cult-nerd group that seemed to know everything. I had to keep up. I needed to watch every show so I could feel included in the conversations. I also needed to somehow section off a portion of my brain devoted to trivial details that included actors in obscure movies, versions of films, the years they were produced, and the plots of the latest reality series.
I went to work. Film and television barrage of information. I came home. Couch time with movies and TV shows I used to avoid. Wine, beer, food… sloth.
Stress and the Wedding
After I’d settled into my new job, the stress of planning my wedding caught up with me. I had actually been in the planning process for several months, but as the date neared, the stress escalated. Not only was my family driving me crazy, but the wedding was to take place out of state. I was stressed over the amount of time I had to allot to wedding planning, because it was taking away from my do-nothing time. Any spare moment was supposed to be spent finalizing decisions on vases, flowers, favors, invitations, the list goes on. When I wasn’t working on wedding planning, I was consumed by guilt, because I knew things needed to be done. At the same time, I began to resent the planning. The planning was not what I wanted to be doing. Nothing, was what I wanted to be doing.
In the end, it was all worth the effort. The wedding was beautiful and could not have gone any smoother… (for the most part). The honeymoon was a much needed vacation. And when we returned home, I could almost relax. The only thing left was the move. I don’t even want to talk about it.
One month later, settled into a partially-furnished apartment less than a mile away from work, I was truly able to let go. Not only was my commute less than five minutes, but we also got the luxury of a DVR. This meant that I could take the better part of an hour for lunch in the comfort of my own home, eat whatever I wanted and watch whatever I wanted. It was too easy.
Did I mention my commute was less than five minutes? Right, and I was too lazy to walk it. I remember in college when I bought a parking permit and had to walk at least 20 minutes to get from the garage to my class. Now, I couldn’t even walk 20 minutes to get from my apartment to work. Nope, why should I? My walking days were in the past. So was my small waistline.
Desk job. 40 hours a week. No exercise. Eating more than I used to. Indulging in bottles of wine that were half the cost of an average Starbucks mocha. And, no more having to fit into a wedding dress.
